I know, you’re tired of even hearing the word “election” and I don’t blame you. I’m sick of it too. The rhetoric, the lying and the hate speech back and forth is enough to make you consider moving to Canada. Nothing against Canada. Its a beautiful place. Its clean, has great scenery and you’ll experience most of the seasons there. I hear that the health care might not be too bad and the people are nice enough….whoa, sorry I had to shake that off a little. I was beginning to talk myself into it. Back to the topic; the election.
There have been multiple times during this process that I have turned to my wife and said, “In my 44 years on this planet, I’ve never experienced an election this horrific.” We will then say a toast to the end of the world, clink our glasses together and then watch the circus once more. I know, I shouldn’t watch the circus but I’m having trouble helping myself. We have been conditioned to watch reality TV and the expectation of it getting worse is too much to pass up. It would be highly entertaining if we weren’t witnessing the unraveling of the democratic process and if they weren’t being interviewed for the most powerful office, possibly, in the world. Then it gets real y’all.
It is then that I get really sad, cue up the Pink Floyd music and begin to stockpile duct tape and ramen noodles waiting for the end to come. I literally can’t believe that we are in a place where this is all that we have to choose from. So, in my desperation, I began googling independent candidates, surfing channels and reviewing everyone that I know, in search of an independent candidate. You’ll be happy to know that I found one. A really good alternative to the circus.
This individual, I’m trying not to give away the gender until the end, is loyal and trustworthy. When it comes to national security, my experience has been there is no one tougher on people who are suspicious or sketchy than this one. You won’t have to worry about your borders at all, they will be secure.
I’m sure you are probably wondering, “would I be impressed with his/her character?” The answer is unequivocally YES! Once you get to know this individual, you can’t help but love them! If you need a friend, he/she is there. I truly believe that foreign leaders would warm up to this president quickly and he/she would single handedly change our perception to the onlooking world. This newly elected leader will be all about people. A government “of the people and for the people” would be first and foremost on their agenda. No one loves their people more than this individual.
How about their view on the budget? This candidate is fiscally conservative. He/she needs literally needs nothing to operate and can do a lot with a little. This choice for president is a minimalists and usually pretty content at heart.
I will say that if there is a weakness, it is that occasionally this person likes to eat cat poop and at times, though very infrequently, has peed and pooped on the carpet because this candidate is my dog: Harley Quinn Snellings. I’ll be honest and tell you I’m not sure about a running mate because the cat occasionally attacks the dog but I think we are all used to that.
Guys, my dog is a better candidate for President of the United States than what we have right now. Sure, that was a long way to go for a dig at the current selection, but from my vantage point…it was well worth the journey; very cathartic. Have a great week and don’t forget Harley Quinn Snellings for president in 2016. Write her in and you won’t be disappointed. Unless you throw a tennis ball and want her to fetch it, because she doesn’t quite have that down yet.