It’s happened to me more times than I care to admit.
I’ve added a Christmas gift to my cart on Amazon that I know is too expensive and doesn’t fit our budget.
My cursor is hanging over the “Place Your Order” button on my screen and beads of sweat are breaking out on my forehead. My heart starts beating faster and I move the cursor over to the “Save for Later” button. The truth is my track record is about 50/50 on whether or not I’ll put it back and find something else or go for broke, literally, and purchase something that I know I can’t afford. I then imagine how happy my kids will be when they open it, for about five minutes. I pause, then I move the cursor back to “Place Your Order”.
I click the button.
Immediately I feel guilty and happy. I can’t wait for them to open the gift and I dread getting the bill from Mastercard. I am both proud of myself for doing it and ashamed I couldn’t control myself. They will think we are awesome parents and yet, expect the same next year. I am at odds with how I feel and what I should have done.
I am conflicted.
Do you identify with my dilemma?
A recent survey stated that 81% of people polled reported having “personal debt in 2024. Among these respondents, 38% reported their debt increased this year, while 44% said their debt stayed the same and 18% said their debt decreased.”
We are conflicted about sticking to a budget and making people “happy”. Of course stuff doesn’t make us happy and we know that but let’s be honest, for at least a few minutes to a couple of days, it does. We like that adrenaline rush of buying the perfect gift and seeing the look of surprise on a loved one’s face. We enjoy getting a gift that was thoughtfully selected and being surprised by the generosity of our loved ones.
At the same time, we realize that our consumerism is clouding our judgment and maybe hindering our experience of joy this season.
That isn’t the only thing we are conflicted about over Christmas though.
We are conflicted emotionally because of all the “comfort and joy” talk during the holidays. I mean, this year didn’t turn out AT ALL like many of us wanted it to in a variety of ways! Not to mention we may be missing some people that we lost last year or years previous. We want to sing “Joy to the world” but the lyrics fall flat. The holidays can be magical but at the same time highlight what we have lost.
We are conflicted relationally. I mean, we know we should spend time with our relatives during the holidays but if we are being honest, we don’t want to. We can’t endure another discussion about the election, the choices we are currently making that they disagree with, or how we “never call” and we’d rather skip out on the lecture.
We are conflicted mentally. Some of us are tired of fighting with our spouse, and yet want to be understood. Others have hopes and dreams that are unrealized but we lack the energy or reserves to see them through. Some had aspirations of becoming healthier this year but have had a recent diagnosis that has derailed their goals. Our expectations for the year are left unmet.
If you are feeling conflicted this Christmas, you are in good company! I am reminded of the passage in Luke chapter two where the angels announce the birth of Jesus to the shepherds.
“Glory to God in the highest heaven, and on earth peace to those on whom his favor rests.” Luke 2:14
In my last blog, I took some time to discuss how God’s people at this time were oppressed by the Romans, so I won’t go into detail about that. However, if you are offered peace in a time of turmoil and political upheaval, this is good news! And yet…they must be conflicted because of their current circumstances.
The word for peace is “shalom”. You probably already knew that. “Shalom” is not just the opposite of war or violence, it is the sum total of God’s blessing on humankind. Sure, a ceasefire would be great but what if that was only the beginning? What if these two warring parties could go from being mortal foes to close friends?
It is possible you know. There is plenty of historical data to prove it. In war after war there are stories of enemies calling a cease-fire and sitting down and sharing a meal together. It happened during the Crusades and in the Civil War. On December 24, during World War I, British and German troops faced one other across a line of muddy trenches in France. At midnight, the troops stopped shooting and started singing Christmas carols. After World War II, one U.S. Army Captain became friends with a Japanese soldier he fought against at Okinawa.
That is shalom.
When two entities are in dire conflict and terms are negotiated by resolving that conflict, you have shalom.
Jesus brings peace out of conflict when He tells us to love our enemies. Because love gets to the core of who you are and changes you. Note, Jesus doesn’t solve the problem through violence or a greater aggression, He shows them and us a different way.
War hasn’t simply ceased, it is an impossibility because you wouldn’t even conceive of going to war with someone you love. This is why love and peace go together.
Love brings peace and peace creates a path for love.
In that sense, peace is a blessing to you and those around you.
Jesus is the Prince of Peace (Isaiah 9:6). If He is the ruler peace, His kingdom should bring about peace. To live in the kingdom that Jesus is prince of, means to exist in a state of being where peace reigns in your life. Paul says this plainly in Ephesians.
“For he is our peace, who made both groups one and tore down the dividing wall of hostility. In his flesh,” Ephesians 2:14
Jesus is our peace.
Peace happens when two opposing forces are brought together because the thing that divides them has been destroyed or torn down. Once that barrier is removed, the real work of peace begins.
That is called reconciliation. When conflict is resolved, people are free to be at peace with one another. That is true in our relationship with God, with others and it is true of our relationship with ourselves.
If you can manage to love your enemies, how about loving yourself?
I know, the sage poet known as “Lit” tells us, “It is no surprise to me I am my own worst enemy.” While I get the meaning (we constantly get in our own way) I hope that this isn’t true. If it is, we need to be reconciled to ourselves.
Reconciling our past with our present.
Settling what is, with what “should” be.
Resolving who I am with what I did.
Reconciling what I want with what is good for me.
Squaring away how I treated someone, with how they should have been treated.
We have to reconcile these things with ourselves. That takes acceptance.
It also takes forgiveness. Maybe you should accept God’s forgiveness and then forgive yourself. In that sense…
Peace carries with it the idea of wholeness.
We cannot be at peace if we are in conflict with ourselves. Allow God to make you whole. Forgive yourself. Be at peace.
Peace isn’t easy. Sure, God offers it to us free of charge. However, there is real work involved in achieving peace in your own life. You have to fight for it. I know that seems antithetical but it’s true. If you have wronged someone, you may have to restore what you damaged.
In order to reconcile with yourself, you may need counseling. Over the past few months, I met with a “Spiritual guide” (even though he wouldn’t call himself that) to help me resolve things that I didn’t even know I thought about myself. It was hard work and it wasn’t comfortable but it did help. The feeling I had after each session, even though it was tough, was that I was at peace with who I am. In fact, I kinda like me.
I love what Eleanor Roosevelt said about peace.
“It isn’t enough to talk about peace. One must believe in it. And it isn’t enough to believe in it. One must work at it.” Eleanor Roosevelt
Peace isn’t just a nice thought, it is real work. It starts with belief but true belief moves us to conviction and genuine conviction can only be expressed in action.
But peace starts with belief. My belief in Jesus should result in peace with myself and others. That should be evident.
I am convinced that Jesus brings peace wherever He goes.
Wouldn’t it be great, if instead of being conflicted, we were at peace with ourselves? It would be even better if that was evident to those in our orbit. How great would it be if you were thought of as being the person that brings peace? That you somehow are the living embodiment of it.
My hope for you this season is that you are at peace by being with peace.
I pray that over your life in the new year as well. Maybe today is only the beginning.
Hope, peace, joy, and love to you my friends.
Matt
“Because of our God’s merciful compassion, the dawn from on high will visit us
to shine on those who live in darkness and the shadow of death, to guide our feet into the way of peace.” Luke 1:78-79
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