The Wedge in My Marriage

Driving Wedge

In my previous post, we talked about the struggle of taking care of your marriage when you have young kiddos.  It’s tough when you have rug rats and you want to have a great marriage.  Our view of what a great marriage looks like and our current reality don’t match up.  If you aren’t careful, there are some things that could drive a wedge in your marriage (Not to be confused with a “wedgie”.  Just not gonna cover that in this blog.  You’re on your own.) Jesus’ opinion about living a “One Life” kind of marriage, in part, is this…

Matthew 19:6 What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate.”

So what are some things that can separate your “one life” kind of marriage?

  1. EXPECTATIONS –
    • What have you been doing??? Husband, you come home and the house is in disarray to say the least. There are toys all over the ground, there’s some spaghetti on the ceiling, one kid is wearing the other kids’ diaper on his head. Mass hysteria! At the same time, dinner isn’t ready. I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking “Why isn’t dinner ready and what has she been doing all day other than NOT CLEANING OR COOKING???” But you can’t say it. You would be taking your life into your own hands.  However, in your soul you hang on to that and you resent it.  Sure, I realize that every family is different and these roles can be reversed but in my experience, I’ve encountered enough husband and wives to see this is a common scenario.
    • Channing Tatum – Ladies, you just finished watching any one of the 12 million Nicholas Sparks movies. You saw Channing Tatum without his shirt on and he was fixing a car while simultaneously listening and hanging onto every word the main character was saying. Wow, Sparks movies have a flare for capturing the everyday.  Flash forward to the next day. Your husband, with a beer gut/ one pack, comes home and starts dropping sublte hints about how unclean the house is and questions when dinner will be ready.  You are exhausted, hanging on by a thin thread and caring for the every need of your little one.  Where’s Channing?  Enter anger, frustration and resentment.
  2. SELFISHNESS –
    • Read My Mind – You have a list of needs that aren’t getting met and they are mounting everyday. Your tired of your spouse “not getting it”. Why won’t he say “I love you” or write poetry?
    • Fulfill My Fantasies – You expect her to look like she did when you were first dating and before kids. Pregnancy changes your body.  There are no two ways about it!  Your ideas of what the female body should look like, altered by movies & Victoria Secret advertisements, are a little different than your current reality.

 4. WANDERING HEART– Because of the former two points, you are dissatisfied at home. You start wondering “What would life be like if I weren’t stuck with this dope?”  or “What would life be like if someone actually laughed at my jokes and thought I was charming again.”  Maybe there is someone at work or in social settings that fits the bill.  Because I haven’t taken care of my selfishness or my unrealistic expectations, my heart and eyes have the tendency to wander.  What do we do about that?  Check out my next post to find out.

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